


Not an Experiment

by Mumintrollet



Category: Ant & Dec RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:27:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mumintrollet/pseuds/Mumintrollet
Summary: How could he move on before he even had left him?Dec thinks or he knows Ant's cheating on him - with a her.





	Not an Experiment

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to apologise for my English and the grammar. I'm Sorry, hope you can bare with it. And then, I joined this fandom, or really started to ship them only a month ago (and started to read fics in this genre some weeks ago), so my knowledge about them/this is just those basic things.
> 
> The lyrics are from the wonderful [I Don't Wanna See You With Her - Maria Mena](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYMjdp1tggU)

_He's walking around alone on the streets of London. It's dark and it's raining, as always in London. He usually doesn't like rain but now he is grateful for it. It hides his tears, no one can tell if he's crying or if it's the rain that has made his cheeks so wet. But that's actually nothing_ _he needs to worry about because it's strangely empty on the street. In fact, he can only see himself._

_How did it end up like this? Weren't they the perfect couple? His tears and the rain keep falling and he keeps walking forward. Away from something, from himself - or at least the other half of himself. How could it end up like this again? But this time, it was at least he who said 'stop'. He chose to end it and break up before Ant did. Not again, never again - he took the decision! He couldn't bare with that thought, he didn't want to be the weak one left behind who everyone took pity on._

_'Baby', suddenly he hears his voice. He wants to turn around, but for some reason, he doesn't. It's like he can't. 'Baby, I'm here.', it's Ant's voice, it's clear and the only thing he wants is to run towards the voice and run into his beloved's arms._

"Baby, wake up. You're dreaming.", Ant shakes him awake. He hears his own fast breath and a lamp turns on. "Decky, I'm here, it was just a bad dream. I'm here and everything's fine." Ant helps him to sit up and then feels him wrap his arms around him and hold him tight. He hears him whisper his name. 

He wakes up with that song in his mind, the song that has gone on repeat all the time when Ant hasn't been home. He had found it on a breakup- or heartbroken-playlist on Spotify and the lyrics had hit too, _too_ close to home.

> **_Cause I don't wanna see you with her_ **  
>  **_I don't wanna see her face_**  
>  **_Resting in your embrace_**  
>  **_Her feet standing in my place_**  
>  **_I don't wanna see you moved on_**  
>  **_I don't think that I'm that strong_**  
>  **_It hasn't been that long_**  
>  **_Since I was the one in your arms_**

Ant holds him and whispers, "Darling, do you want to tell me what you dreamt about?"

"No... It wasn't anything... Just go back to sleep.", Dec shakes his head, lays down and hides under the duvet. 

"It wasn't anything? But you're crying?"

"Just go back to sleep.", he answers and turns so he's facing the door.

"Maybe you want to talk about it in the morning, love?"

"No, just go back to sleep.", he says once more and Ant seems to do that, he turns off the light and lays down. Dec listens to the sound of his breath. It used to make him sleepy, calm and get the feeling of safety, but now it doesn't. He can't fall asleep, he can just think about the end, their end. The song lyrics in his head - because he knows Ant has met someone new. And the one-sided conversation he had heard goes on repeat too:

_"She's wonderful!"_

_"You will love her too when you meet her."_

_"She looks gorgeous and her voice is like an angel's!"_

_"I know, he suspects nothing. He will get a shock!"_

_"Dec can handle that, everything goes as planned."_

Eventually, after many, many hours he falls asleep but soon wakes up again. Fortunately this time by himself, but by a new dream. A dream like the one before. It's early, only eight o'clock, weekend. But he leaves the bed, already knows he won't be able to fall asleep. He gets up and walks out to the kitchen, hears the first verse in that song in his head. 

> **_It's a small town_ **  
>  **_Word gets around_**  
>  **_And travels in circles_**  
>  **_Through hoops, over hurdles_**  
>  **_Everyone's careless_**  
>  **_They talk about our mess_**  
>  **_They don't care how it hurts me_**  
>  **_Must think it was easy_**

He sits down at the table and reaches for the notebook. He has to stop it, he has to take the decision and break up. Can't let Ant break his heart. Instead of writing down his own thoughts he finds himself writing down the lyrics - but when he does that he feels that that is his own thoughts. It's what he thinks, what he feels and this girl has helped him to put words on everything.  

> **_They say you have a new love_ **  
>  **_I'm happy for you, love_**  
>  **_I just don't wanna meet her_**  
>  **_Are you gonna keep her?_**

He thinks of all those cheesy lines about letting go and set the person you love free. "If you really love him, don't you want him to be happy then?" He loves Ant, more than everything in the world and his happiness is the most important thing for him. But he, Dec, wants to be the one who makes him happy. His biggest wish is Ant to be happy, but without him, he would die - he would say stop to everything if he got his heart smashed into a thousand pieces again.  

> **_Cause I don't wanna see you with her_ **  
>  **_I don't wanna see her face_**  
>  **_Resting in your embrace_**  
>  **_Her feet standing in my place_**  
>  **_I don't wanna see you moved on_**  
>  **_I don't think that I'm that strong_**  
>  **_It hasn't been that long_**  
>  **_Since I was the one in your arms_**

How could he move on before he even had left him? How could it bee like this? He promised him that he wasn't an experiment, Ant had said he loved Dec, loved him for real. It wasn't a phase, it wasn't because Ant thought it was exciting with a penis instead of a vagina - Ant had said it was because he loved him for real and should do that forever. But Dec knows he has met a woman behind his back. He knows and he has to decide how to quit this relationship before Ant does. 

> **_I don't like being sober_ **  
>  **_That's when it hits me it's over_**  
>  **_Although it was my choice_**  
>  **_I can't shake your calm voice_**  
>  **_Saying you found one_**  
>  **_That makes you feel as strong_**  
>  **_And helps you through hard times_**  
>  **_Cause that job was once mine_**

He is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't hear Ant's footsteps when he enters the kitchen. He jumps when Ant places a hand on his shoulder and says his name.

"Dec? What's wrong? How long have you been sitting here?", his boyfriend hugs him and half of him just want to push him away, doesn't want to be touched by Ant when he knows that Ant wishes him to be someone else. But the other part just wants to hug back, hug back and cry into his chest. Just wants to act like a child and be comforted by the person _he loves._ Just wants to forget and repress all the bad thoughts. "Baby, tell me what's wrong.", it's concern in his voice, and it actually sounds like a genuine concern.

"Okay... We can't have it like this...", he sobs and looks up at him, tears streaming down his face. Tears he tries to wipe away because he hates to be this weak all the time. 

"How?", Ant sits down on the opposite side of the table and takes his hands. 

"I know... I know what's going on... I know what you're doing and I think it's best for us both to just go separate ways now.", he blinks, over and over again to get rid of the tears and then has to force himself to look up at Ant and look into his eyes. 

> **_Cause I don't wanna see you with her_**  
>  **_I don't wanna see her face_**  
>  **_Resting in your embrace_**  
>  **_Her feet standing in my place_**  
>  **_I don't wanna see you moved on_**  
>  **_I don't think that I'm that strong_**  
>  **_It hasn't been that long_**  
>  **_Since I was the one in your arms_**  
>    
>  **_Cause I don't wanna see you with her_**

"What are you talking about? I love you, I love you more than everything else!" 

"I don't know who she is but I know you've started to date her and I'm pretty sure you sleep with her too!"

"Wait, stop! What are you talking about?", he says again and the concerned all gone, angrier, which leads to even more tears. Scared and even more hurt.

"I..." he sobs and bites his tongue until he gets the taste of iron in his mouth, and then just lets everything come out. "I know you met someone, I know it's a 'her' even though you promised me you love me - and you promised me I'm not an experiment! I know because I've heard you on the phone, 'The first time we met, it was a wonderful evening and night', 'I have to hang up now, Dec's coming home', 'I love everything about her, she's perfect!' And the last weeks, the last month, you've been so busy - not have any time over for me, and you never tell me what you're doing instead of being with me! This time I won't be the person who finds out that my boyfriend fuck someone else behind my back, and this time I won't find out that I've been fooled in six months. Not again, not again...", he has to wipe away his tears again. "I will decide over the breakup, I leave and you can keep this fucking apartment and everything else  _we_ own - because I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

He sees that Ant raises up from his seat and turns Dec's chair a bit, and the only thing he can think is, he will hit you, he will beat you up, you shouldn't have said that! But Ant doesn't, he hugs him and Dec doesn't know what to think. "Baby is that what you think...? I have you, and you're the most wonderful person in the world, I don't need anyone else than you. You're not an experiment, absolutely not, you're the most expensive and important I have!", Ant hugs him tight before he back off a bit and lifts up his chin and forces him to have eye-contact. 

"You can say whatever you want, but if you did not meet someone - what are you doing?", he says desperately.

"I shouldn't tell you this", Ant begins and Dec is prepared to hear the worst. "It will destroy everything but I hate to see you like this and I think the only way for you to believe in me is if I tell you the truth. I or we, all your siblings have been planning your birthday party. It should be a surprise party but I feel I have to tell you now, I can't bare with all your tears, it breaks my heart to see you like this.", he says and then sits down on the chair again and asks him to sit down in his lap. He hugs him tight, strokes his back slowly up and down. "Is that why you have seemed so off... And doesn't really ate...?"

Dec leans his head against Ant and closes his eyes. "You're not really hungry when you know you're going to be left or know you have to leave..." 

"Noo... My Decky boy... You're the only one I love, the only one I want, you know that? And this girl, she's a fantastic singer and she will sing our song..."

"So you promise me, I'm still not an experiment?", he looks at him and their eyes meet. 

"No, of course not , and I will and want to stay with you as long as you stay with me." 

They sit like that in silent, Ant continues to calm his boyfriend down by stroking his back and kissing his head. And after a long time with that Dec talks again. "So...", he wipes his eyes and nose, "You're not loving or sleeping with anyone else than me?" 

"You're the only one because you're the only one I want.", he hugs him and gives him a kiss on the lips. "Make sure you don't have any appointments at the 23rd.", Ant smiles at him and even gets Dec to smile a bit. "And then we have the 25th for us own, as you wanted it.", he kisses him again, longer this time because this time Dec kisses him back. "Maybe we can go back to the bedroom and I can show you that you're the only one I want?"

"Only...", he sobs one last time, "if you promise me to cuddle me afterwards.", he looks at him and gets a big smile in return.

**Author's Note:**

> As I said, I'm very new here and just wonder if someone can just give me a little brief - I've read a lot of Ant/Dec-fic and I know fiction is fiction but sometimes you add things from real life to get it more authentic so two question: Do they have/or have had some kind of "friendship ring"? And did Dec get bullied as a kid in school? 
> 
> Writing Ant and Dec fics at Wattpad:[Mumintr0llet](https://www.wattpad.com/user/Mumintr0llet)


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